I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
