nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
