win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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