everyone is single if you try hard enough
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
