i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
