I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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