Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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