Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
