i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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