Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
