dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
