Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
