A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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