11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
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