don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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