He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
