Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
