While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
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