i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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