hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
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