This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Terrible idea I love it
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
