I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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