I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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