I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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