o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
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