How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
