shes about as inviting as chlamydia
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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