It's Friday. Sex?
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
