So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
