It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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