Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
