The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
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