If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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