First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
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