Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
