Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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