Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Randomize
