I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Couch. On fire.
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