just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
