I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Just invented taco cereal.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
