just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Hippo gnu deer
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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