sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Randomize
