Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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