I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
