The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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