One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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