yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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