It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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