...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
