i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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