I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
