yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
