Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
