Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Randomize