JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
he fucked my hip out of place.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Randomize
