he wants to bone in the snuggie
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
pray to the hookup gods
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
