And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
