Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Randomize
