just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize