you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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