that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I have already put on my inside pants.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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