I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
