At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
