We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Randomize
