what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
