Don't you send me to vm
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
