She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
