Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
