Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
