I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Randomize
