you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
