remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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