My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
