What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
