Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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