k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
