I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Midget sex pt 2 tonight
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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