Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
