I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
