To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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