In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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