All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
