last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
