I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
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