my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
